So lately (as in over the last 3 months), I’ve been called crazy, weird, strange and a multitude of names – by people who were supposed to be friends and even some family members.
Why you ask? – because I have a great relationship with my boyfriends ex-wife, who also happens to be the mother of his son.
Well, my give a damn just busted and while its cracked and broken – I’d like to take a minute to set the record straight and maybe explain a little. This way, if you ever think you want to spout your ill informed opinion about someone in a similar situation – you’ll think twice. I’m sure the below is a jumble of nonsensical ramblings, but well – again – my give a damn is busted.
I don’t understand why people think that all relationships between the “new girl” and the “ex” have to be strained or terrible. I understand that I am not the best example, since my relationship with Matt’s girlfriend (Cassie) is strained at best. However, its one thing to be civil, but its another to have a great relationship and actually *gasp* talk on a regular basis. Guess what, the kids do notice, and so do their friends! I’ve been told “my friends think its cool that you & my mom get along and don’t hate each other”. Again, kids notice stuff even when you think they don’t!
I read an article awhile back where Jada Pinkett-Smith (as in Mrs. Will Smith) wrote about blended families that truly, truly struck a cord with me. The note mentions being married to, but the same thing applies to dating.
Patrick and I both bring kids to our relationship (my 3, his 1), we knew this from the first date. It was never a problem for either of us. We have worked hard to make the six of us into a wonderful family. Sometimes I think its easier being with a person who has kids, because he understands the challenges that arise from shuttling kids between two houses, having to work out holiday schedules and sharing birthdays.
I knew going into this relationship that in order to make “us” work, I not only had to love Bray (and I do), but I also needed to learn to like his mom. She isn’t going anywhere, she will ALWAYS be his mother. She will ALWAYS be a part of our lives, just as I will always be my childrens mother and be a part of their lives. If I have a problem with that, I needed to walk away MONTHS ago.
In honesty, I was terrified to meet her the first time I did meet her. I am very protective of my kids, and I know how it felt to have to “let go” a little and let dad’s girlfriend be a part of their life. However, I met a person who was funny, kind and accepted me. She and I sit next to each other at ball games now, we share stories and random text messages. My son has even spent the night over there with her and Bray. I think I’m pretty lucky in the fact that in my relationship with Patrick, I gained not only another amazing kid – but a great friend as well.
For those of you that think its weird that I sometimes say “my 4 kids” (referring to Katie, Jonathan, Natalee and Bray) – shame on you. How horrible is it that a child have another adult who truly cares about them and loves them? Guess what, its not – it is a wonderful thing! No, I didn’t give birth to him and I’m not even his stepmom, but I don’t love him any less because he isn’t “mine”. I always tell my kids they are lucky to have not only a mom and dad that love them, but Cassie & Patrick who also love and care about them.
As long as all the adults IN the situation are OK with the situation, the kids are ALL happy & thriving (which we all are) – then I don’t give a damn anymore what anyone thinks.