calming the crazy

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If only I could live by this motto right now.  Things are so crazy in life, and sometimes I don’t know whether I am coming or going.   Those that know me well, know that I do not like chaos.  I like order, I like plans and I thrive on knowing what’s happening and when its happening.

That being said, our life could not be more chaotic now if we tried.  I mean really.  This past weekend, I cried in Target while we were waiting for Katie to try on some clothes.  Like, legit tears.  I was just overwhelmed by how much I knew I needed to do with the house & packing, and I felt like we were wasting so much of that packing time by being in Target.

Houses – We are moving starting in 4 days (Monday).  We are getting the keys on Saturday to start cleaning the house, then the process of moving my house starts on Monday evening when I start moving all the boxes.  Our realtor is still actively promoting and we are getting lots of showings on Jake’s house, which is great.  Adding to all the house stuff we have going on – Jake’s mom is selling her house down here, and we have to go over there at some point and do touch up painting & cleaning (there was a renter in the home before)  So for a matter of a few weeks, its going to feel like we have 4 houses.

Wedding – We are still in the midst of wedding planning.  I am starting to have to reevaluate alot of things in terms of decor and whatnot – because we thought Jake’s house would have sold by now – and now, we are having to carry 2 mortgages.  So the things we wanted are now possibly going to be scaled back.  I know in the grand scheme of things – the part where we GET married is the most important, but we do want to have a fun party for all our family & friends.   I work with many brides at Seibels every month, and I see the stress they are under and I also see many of the invoices & bills for their weddings.  The wedding industry is expensive, and the minute you tack the word “wedding” onto any event, it gets very expensive, very fast.

Self care has been hard lately.  I have tried to shut myself in my office at lunch to work on wedding stuff, oils business stuff, or even take take 10 minutes and play mindless angry birds on my tablet- BUT typically, the minute I take a bite of my food someone comes in and needs something.  Lately, it’s a lot of my grad students needing “mama Lori” versus “department coordinator Lori” – so I never turn them away (nor will I ever turn them away).   I am doing better about drinking a ton more water and a lot less soda, so that is making me feel better.  Sleep comes and goes – depends on the day and if I am at my house or Jake’s.  I have had more migraines in the last 2 months than I have had in a long time.  Jake thinks that stress triggers them, and in some ways I think he is probably right.  I just need to recognize the signs before it gets to the point of a migraine (which I am pretty good at doing).

Writing is like therapy to me, it helps me get all the thoughts out onto paper – and really helps to calm the whirlwind that brews inside my head.   Once we get into this house, the nightly walks/runs and more working out will definitely help.  But until then – I write.

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