I was scrolling back thru my phone and saw that I have saved this back in October. Oh how did I know that I would need this back then?
Today has been hard. Being given a diagnosis with just the bare minimum of instructions on how to handle it is one of the toughest things I have had to experience. I got my gestational diabetes diagnosis on the 26th if Decemver and the only instructions I got were “no white bread, white rice or white potatoes. No cereal, sweet tea or juice. Limit fruits to mealtimes only, so no more than 3 per day.”
No instructions on where to keep my numbers, they literally called in a glucose meter and all the parts to our pharmacy and told me to start testing. Thank god for my husband who had a general idea of how to use the meter. I pretty much sat at the table sobbing because looking at all the testing stuff and instruction manual was incredibly overwhelming. I got minimal guidelines again at my last doctors appointment on the 4th, just in terms of where she wants my numbers under. The OB admittedly struggled with finding me a class and nutritionist to meet with, and I do finally see them on Thursday the 17th.
Today I went to find lunch for myself and while the kids and Jake ate nachos. I took out eggs, cheese and bacon – 3 things I know are “safe” and I just couldn’t stomach eggs again. I have eaten more eggs in the last 3 weeks than I have in the last 3 years. I stopped what I what I was doing, went upstairs and laid down on my bed and just cried and cried. The weight of making sure I am eating the right balance of carbs and protein, while staying under the numbers – but again having no guidance other than what I can google is so overwhelming. It’s panic inducing – am I hurting my baby, am I hurting myself? Since being diagnosed I have lost about 11 lbs, which my doctor told me would happen. As long as the baby is growing how she should, I can keep losing. I’m now at a lower weight than I was when I got pregnant.
I cannot wait until Thursday so I can “learn how to eat again”. So far it’s been a lot of trial and error on what makes my numbers spike and what doesn’t. What works for friends, doesn’t work for me and vice versa. Case in point – I ate some French fries from Rush’s on Saturday and thought for sure “this is going to spike me”. Ate it with some fried chicken, cole slaw and a few tiny bites of a roll. I wanted the amazing sweet tea that Rush’s has – but I drank bottled water instead. My numbers were the lowest they have been all day. Our bodies are weird.
I struggle with the guilt of “what did I do to cause this”, knowing full well that there was nothing I could do to prevent this diagnosis. Gestational diabetes is caused by the placenta and hormones, and there is not a damn thing I could have done differently.
My husband is so patient with me, he keeps telling me that I’m doing so well with the minimal knowledge I was given. He tells me he is proud of me. He even tries to eat the things I can eat, even though I know he would much rather be chowing down on a baked potato. I really could not do this without him.
I just have to learn to be patient with myself, that this whole journey is a learning process with the best gift at the end of it – our daughter.