Have you ever read the book The Five Love Languages? I have a copy of it, and I have read it several times. It helped me learn a lot about who I am as a person, and how someone can best love me. I know that may not make a lot of sense, but if your partner doesn’t know what you need, then how can they best love you.
So my oils team leader had us take the quiz to learn how she can better “love us as a leader”. So, I took it. Here are my scores:
As you can see, I scored pretty high on words of affirmation. That is something that is so important to me. One of the worst things about my previous marriage was that I was constantly told I was worthless, and that no one would want me ever. I think I crave being told positive things. Jake tells me every morning that I am beautiful – it is a simple morning greeting that he says everyday without fail “good morning beautiful”. It doesn’t matter that I have heard it probably 500 times before, I still love it. Hearing I love you, while important isn’t what this one is all about, why does someone love you – that’s what someone with this love language wants to know! Give me the reasons why!! It is also the other things, like “I appreciate you” or “I am so glad you are in my life” that are part of that love language.
When my boss or someone tells me that I am doing a good job – I love it. That’s my main love language – words of affirmation.
Second up is physical touch. Y’all – I’m a hugger. I hug everyone, and chances are if we have met at least once I have hugged you. I think it is the southern in me, I’m not sure. I just love to love on people (if you don’t like being hugged, probably should tell me upfront, so I don’t invade your space). I love it when Jake reaches for my hand in the car or when we are out & about. It makes me feel loved, and makes me feel safe.
Now, the receiving gifts is a tricky one. Of course I love it when someone gifts me a gift, it would make anyone feel special! It isn’t about the material possession, it is about the thought & effort behind the gift. Some of my favorite things in the world are handwritten notes. I guess you could see them as a gift if you think about it. I have notes pinned to my board at work from my students & coworkers, and my kids. I even have the card from the 1st time Jake ever sent me flowers. It is a powerful reminder that in that moment, someone was thinking of you. My notes from my grad students, whether its a personal note or a silly postcard they sent while they were travelling mean so much to me. I have “happy a.p. day” notes from coworkers, drawings my kids gave me, a funny Valentines card from a student. All those things are gifts to me, and go along with the words of affirmation as well.
The last 2 are important, but rank lower in my mind. Acts of service are like helping out with laundry or filling my gas tank up. We share chores in this house, so that someone isn’t always pulling a heavy load. We both work full time and sometimes it is hard to come home and work more. I don’t see this as something “special” that Jake does just for me – its just part of running this household. With 3 kids, 2 full time jobs, and a business to run – we don’t have time to let things fall by the wayside. Quality time, we get that a lot. Jake and I literally do EVERYTHING together, and its not because we don’t want the other doing stuff by themselves, it is just we genuinely enjoy being with each other. We both have our own hobbies (he loves golf, I love blogging), so we do that separately. I personally consider every moment we spend together as “quality time”.
I highly encourage you to take the quiz, you can do so here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ and share those results with your significant other. In doing so, you may open up new worlds for both of you and your relationship.
Let me know in the comments what your love language is. I would love to know if you think it is accurate to you!